I feel old. Not in everyday life and not in all settings, and I definitely know that I'm not. However, I feel like I should be in a different phase in my life by now. I should have someone special in my life, and we should be living happily together. That is how I had planned my life; that is where I was headed for in my past relationship.
And then, life happened.
I want to live now.
To get there, I need to change. I don't want to hurry the world to make me happy now, when I can just open my eyes and be happy.
"The nuns taught us there were two ways through life—the way of nature and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow. Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things."
(Mrs. O'Brien, The Tree of Life)
The process of making the coat is taking longer than I initially expected (partly because I work full time now, partly because it's the first coat I am ever making).
Who knows, maybe everything happens for a reason, and patience was a lesson I needed to learn in life. Or maybe it was all just a lucky coincidence.
So many people I know are battling with the "this isn't what my life was supposed to be now"-feeling that I'm starting to wonder who came up with all these ideas of what life is supposed to be at any given moment - and whom do they serve anyway? There are people whose lives are exactly how they're supposed to be according to some standards, yet they're not happy with their lot. Like you said, it's a matter of attitude. Grace is a wonderful thing, but the problem of the dichotomy (I do think the tree of Life is a beautiful movie!) is that neither option includes fighting for justice. You either turn the other cheek, or use any means possible to further your own interests. Of course this is a little off-topic, but I was struck by the thought when I saw the movie, and it seems to be something I struggle with at the moment.
ReplyDeleteThe idea that you can, and maybe should seek to, learn something from all phases of life is very appealing to me. It suggests activity even at a time of apparent standstill, and the obvious and unfortunately clichéd personal growth.
I have a feeling 2012 will bring many good changes, both internal and external, to many of us. Maybe we'll appreciate them all the more after the more difficult 2011 :)