I know, it's been forever since I last wrote here. But I have a valid excuse: work. Not just any work, but something I really enjoy, even though it has been taking most of my time lately.
What I've been wanting to write about for a long time is this norm in the Western society: when you reach certain age, you're supposed to settle down, move in together in a house, get a pet maybe and then a kid or two.
I say, bullshit.
Yes, I understand that some people really want that. And that' ok. But I also feel the need to question if that is truly what most people want. For me, it's so hard to imagine that moving in the middle of nowhere with just one person and some kids-to-be would be all that life has to offer. It is something that society wants from us. It is what people do. But so many people also get divorced, and maybe the reason is buried in this expectation of getting it all from you family.
All I know is that I would never ever do that. I want to be me. I don't want to abandon my life and who I am just for a "family dream" that doesn't really exist. What I've learned in my past relationships is that I have to hold on to myself: whatever I love to do alone, I need to keep doing when I'm with someone. I need to be me.
I know this might be a bit controversial and hard to hear for some people, but I know I'm right: just think back and remember all your individual dreams. Don't give up on them for someone else. Relationships should help you get what you want, not make it harder for you. Too often settling down means settling for.
Whenever I'm going to settle down, it's going to be with someone I can share my adventures with. I will never change who I am for someone else. And I know when I find someone who thinks like I do, we're going to have such a blast!
Juuri näin Viivi! Se voi toimia. Itse olen ollut onnellisessa asemassa, tai oikeastaan se on väärä ilmaisu. Olen luonut/tahtonut/tehnyt töitä yhdessä mieheni kanssa sellaisen YHTEISEN elämän eteen, joka meille molemmille on ollut hyvä. Välillä on pitänyt antaa periksi omista unelmista - hetkeksi -, mutta kohta niitä on voinut taas toteuttaa. Useimmiten tuo periksi antaminen on liittynyt tavalla tai toisella lapsiin. Se on kumma, että kun niitä lapsia siunaantuu, niin silloin heidän etunsa menee edelle. Useimmiten onneksi perheellä on yhteinen etu, eikä tarvitse itseänsä polkea. Eri asia on sitten, että joutuu "laimentamaan" itsensä, kun kulttuurisesti ympärillä (ei perhe vaan ne muut) ei olla valmiita hyväksymään erilaisuutta (= vilkkautta, räväkkyyttä, suoruutta, erilaista tapaa toimia kuin ympäröivä asuinyhteiskunta).
ReplyDeleteIn english too.
You are so right, Viivi! It can work if you and your husband want it. You can create/make TOGETHER with your husband or boyfriend a life which is good for both of you. Together means that sometimes you give up your dream - for a moment. After a while you are able to do what you're dreaming of. Most of time the kids are the reason to wait a moment before just doing what you want right now. Love makes you wait so that your kids are able to cope with decisions what are needed to make your own dream alive. The good thing is that most of the time your benefit is same with your family. There's no need to forget yourself or bury yourself. I have found that it's also very hard whwn you can't be yourself because the surrounding society is not accepting what you are because you are not like them.
Englannista sinä paremmin, jos meni ihan pieleen ;)